I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
