I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
