Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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