Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ok first of all what the fuck
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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