he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
