I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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