he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
