you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
