This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
