I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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