1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
