College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
