I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
