i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
