its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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