So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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