I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
