I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
