I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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