is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
