thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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