grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
