i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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