i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
