when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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