Soap is not a condiment
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
