I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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