Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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