"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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