hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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