I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
