well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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