I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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