Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
