I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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