If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if only i could text you this smell
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
