i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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