Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
