Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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