Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
