next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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