yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
