hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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