maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
