hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
