my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
