i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
