what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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