i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
