I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
